I have to admit, that some of the artists rendition’s of proposed casinos look pretty cool. Just check out this drawing of a Fall River casino being proposed by the Mashpee Wampanoag. It’s much cooler then the simple outline drawings we saw in Middleboro. The colors, the soft hues and the incredible amenities make the whole thing look very compelling. In fact it seems that you need little more than fancy drawing to be considered a serious contender for a casino.
.
Then it hit me. Since current versions of the Massachusetts gambling bills don’t include a tribal preference – that means that the Fall River casino is up for grabs. Anyone could be awarded the license. Even me. I am officially announcing my intention to compete for one of the casino licenses. Although I don’t have any backers or investors – that is actually a strength. This will be the first casino financed entirely by PayPal donations. I do have the most important requirement – a spiffy drawing. Sure it’s not quite as polished as some of the other casino artist renditions – but I think you’ll agree that the amenities in my casino can’t be matched by the competition. You can click on the image for a larger version.
.
And now we start getting into my marketing plan – something for everybody. The casino theme will include magic, Sci-Fi, dinosaurs, and beer. I’ll crush the competition. The first thing you’ll notice is the unicorn farm. Sure other casinos have promised the magic but mine will deliver using my yet-to-be-developed technology for mating ponies with narwhals. Notice that the main casino is shaped like the Starship Enterprise with a grand staircase that leads to the entrance in the shuttle bay – how cool is that? And folks, it won’t just be about gambling. This will be the only casino in the US to offer jetpack rides. Admit it – you’ve wanted one since you first saw a jetpack on Gilligan’s Island or Lost In Space. To keep the chips flowing into the slots there will be a free beer volcano. I have to admit that the idea for the beer volcano is not entirely original. Last but not least will be a zoo with real dinosaurs. This will be part of Phase Two and requires some technology that does not yet exist …. YET.
.
And like the other proposed casinos – my casino will only generate money and jobs. There will be no costs of any kind. Just benefits, unicorns, jetpacks and dinosaurs.

8 Responses to “Bumpkin casino”

1. RichY says:

   June 24, 2010 at 9:52 am

   You sold me on the Jet Pack rides! This is a terrific concept that must be considered. This is much bettter than the Homeless Person Casino. We spent 20 minutes listening to that proposal at the Statehouse.
2. Gladys Kravitz says:

   June 24, 2010 at 9:55 am

   You get my vote if all the pit bosses have to dress in Gorn costumes and the waitresses all have Yeoman Rand beehives.
3. Sharon says:

   June 24, 2010 at 12:23 pm

   I’m all in! : )
4. CharlotteDespard says:

   June 24, 2010 at 2:04 pm

   http://fallriverundercover.blogspot.com/
5. robert pittsley says:

   June 24, 2010 at 4:53 pm

   Hey, by the time the construction starts and all the private backers have dropped out they may even have Holodecks we can put in there.
6. Al says:

   June 24, 2010 at 8:10 pm

   Unicorn rides!!
   Unicorn rides!!
7. Dave says:

   June 25, 2010 at 10:08 am

   You got me at “beer volcano” mmmm beer!
   Oh and can you make sandwiches with unicorn meat?
8. nocasinio says:

   June 27, 2010 at 11:31 am

   Bumpkin I believe you stole my plans for Wampy World.